I'm sorry if this post has weird or unreader-friendly fonts but the com i'm using now doesn't allow me to change it.
This week has been totally horrible for me...for the past 48hours here since i last booked out...i've been thinking of ending this course...right here n right now...suddenly everything is not worth it. suddenly i felt that i would definitely have rejected the posting if i was posted here again.
No time for music at all these days. No time for friends. No time to sort out my mind. No time for my soul to be fed.
Being officer really doesn't seem like my kinda thing...today's tactics exam totally killed me. I was that close to handing up a black piece of paper. What's more...i'm gonna dig mud in the rain again for the next 2 or 3 days...everything seems so dark n lifeless. I'm sleepy, tired, I dunno my stuff well and I can't lead battles.
But thank God for the few very special blessings. Things with you (choon mei) has been cleared. My saint has reminded me so much about the bond we'll always share no matter where we are. Thank God that somehow He managed to delay my outfield exercise with the rain...which allows me to be listening to my fav music...catching up with some of the peep's happenings on blogs...and typing this blog.
I may not complete this course afterall, may remain single all my life, may not get to do what i want for a living, may lose friends, may die later, but.....life's still beautiful=)
2:47 PM
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Cast Away-
After a day n night of thinking and sorting out, I've decided to forgive A B n C le. Hmm...dunno what lies ahead...just wish that we can all be the good friends that we were again...that will not just depend on me...but on you mr/miss/mrs A B C
4:01 PM
Monday, January 01, 2007
Emotional Baggage Let Loose-
Seriously...I'm super freakin' pissed n angry with A, B and also particularly C.
Not only do you, A, remind me of someone from the past...you did the same thing as that person. I seriously hate this. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? Why does everyone have to cheat me? Why does everyone like to put a mask infront of me? Didn't all those "things" help at all? What else do you need before you can take off that freakin' mask?
you idiot. i'm pissed with you.
Secondly I'm angry with you also my dear B. Thanks for a whole load of words without actions. Thanks for conveniently placing me aside when I'm not needed n attend to those whatever things.
i guess i was just a fool.
Lastly, C, I used to be touched by your prescence, your sincerity, your warmth, your love, your friendship, your support. But after that day, everything that you did before for me suddenly became redundant n everything in the past has become nothing more than lies. Now no matter how I choose to look at you, I can't help but think that you're a slut.
it's a strong word and i tried not to use it, but seriously, i hate you.
This has got to be the worse new year...and the worse long weekend I've ever had. I rather go back to my army camp n eat mud.
